If you’ve ever held back from speaking up, turned down an opportunity, or quietly felt that you’re “not enough”, you’re far from alone. Learning how to build confidence and self-esteem is one of the most valuable things you can do for your wellbeing — and the encouraging news is that it’s a skill you can practise, not a fixed trait you’re born with.
Confidence vs self-esteem: what’s the difference?
The two are closely linked, but they’re not identical. Self-esteem is how you value and feel about yourself overall. Confidence is your belief in your ability to do something specific, like giving a presentation, starting a new job or asking for what you need. You can feel confident at work yet have shaky self-esteem at home, or the other way around. Working on both helps each one grow.
Why low self-esteem can feel so sticky
Low self-esteem tends to feed itself. Harsh inner self-talk, constant comparison with other people and perfectionism can become automatic habits, and every “mistake” then seems to confirm the story you’re telling yourself. The charity Mind describes unkind self-talk and comparison as common patterns that can keep self-esteem low — and also offers practical ways to challenge them.
7 practical steps to build confidence and self-esteem
1. Get to know yourself
Spend a little time working out what you value and what makes you feel happy and alive. Many people find that writing it down in a journal helps. Knowing what matters to you gives you a steadier foundation than other people’s approval.
2. Notice and soften unkind self-talk
When you catch yourself putting yourself down, pause and ask: “Would I talk to a friend this way?” Mind suggests this simple check as a way to challenge unhelpful thoughts. You don’t have to force positivity — aim for words that are fair and kind.
3. Limit comparison
What people share online is a highlight reel, not the full picture. If scrolling leaves you feeling worse, try muting accounts, setting time limits, or following people who leave you feeling encouraged.
4. Keep a “wins” list
Write down things you’ve handled well, compliments you’ve received and goals you’ve reached — however small. Accepting compliments rather than brushing them off, and rereading your list on tougher days, can gently shift how you see yourself.
5. Start small
Confidence grows through action. Choose one or two small things to try — speaking up once in a meeting, saying no to one request, trying a new class — rather than overhauling your life. Small changes add up, and what works varies from person to person, so go at your own pace.
6. Look after the basics
Sleep, movement, time outdoors and a few minutes of mindfulness all support mood and resilience. Mind also notes that alcohol and recreational drugs can make you feel worse over time. You don’t need a perfect routine — just a little more care than yesterday.
7. Ask for support
Talking to a friend, family member, counsellor, therapist or coach can make a real difference. Sharing what you’re going through reduces its weight, and a good listener can help you see strengths you’ve overlooked.
A gentle exercise to try today
At the end of the day, write down: (1) one thing you handled well, (2) one way you were kind to yourself, and (3) one small step you’ll take tomorrow. It takes two minutes — and over a few weeks, it quietly trains your attention towards what’s working.
When to get extra support
Everyone has off days. But if low self-esteem is persistent, is affecting your mood, sleep, relationships or work, or you’re having thoughts of harming yourself, please speak to your GP or a mental health professional. Life coaching can be a helpful companion for building confidence, setting goals and creating change, but it isn’t a substitute for medical or psychological care.
Want support building your confidence? Fatema offers warm, practical one-to-one coaching, online worldwide. Book a free discovery call and we’ll talk about what would help most.
Sources and further reading
- Mind — Tips to improve your self-esteem
- Mind — Tips for building confidence and self-esteem
- NHS — Every Mind Matters
This article is for general information and isn’t medical advice. Written by Fatema Yaacub, Holistic Life & Money Coach.